4:40 p.m. Passion Ministry

“....irginia, let me get this straight,” Chet Sparrow began.

Phil gazed at the office TV in horror.

“What’s wrong?” Sheila asked, walking into the room. Her eyes flicked from the tube to her lover’s ashen face. The volunteers sitting at the far end were strangely silent.

A phone rang. Someone reached for the receiver.

“Don’t answer that!” Phil commanded.

Sheila cocked her head. “Phil, what is going on?”

Phil ignored her, focusing on Chet Sparrow.

“…posedly,” Sparrow was saying, “Christ’s blood’s on this Shroud—he was buried in it, right?—and somehow, a scientist named Andrew Somerville got a bit of this piece of ancient linen—nobody knows how—and what...?”  

“That whore!” Phil screamed. “We’re finished! She...she’s ruined us.”

“What?!” Sheila blurted.

“I’ll kill her. As God is my witness, I’ll blow off her bimbo head!”

“...cloned Jesus Christ!” blared Virginia’s voice.

“Cloned?!” Sparrow reared back. “This isn’t some April Fool’s joke, is it?”

“No joke,” Virginia replied. “Everyone’s heard of Dolly, right?”

“Dolly? Oh, yes! The sheep.”

“Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” Phil howled, smashing his foot into the screen.

The telephones pealed like church bells at a wedding.