Chapter 31

Maundy Thursday, April 1, 8:57 p.m. Passion Ministry

“Okay,” Sheila said, nudging Pat awake. “Have to confirm this with Andrew but how’s this? Intro blah blah, then: As previously reported, Dr. Andrew Somerville, Nobel Prize winner, used 2000-year-old blood cells to create a living being, James C. Jacobs. As these blood cells were taken from a fragment of the Shroud of Turin—authenticated by centuries of documentation and secretly in the possession of John Jacobs’ ancestors since 1204 AD—the Passion Ministry accepts James Jacobs to be Jesus Christ, the only son of God.”

“How about ‘...believes James Jacobs to be Jesus Christ’?” Pat suggested. “Much stronger.”

Rachel listened quietly. Slightly disoriented, she felt like she was in a debunking. This was just the sort of hoax that she specialized in exposing. Yet it seemed almost believable.

“Good point,” said Sheila. “Okay, new paragraph. In 1988, the age of the Shroud of Turin was estimated at between 1260 and 1390 AD, using an accepted dating technique called Radiocarbon dating. The Passion Ministry does not dispute this but feels there’s sufficient doubt about the testing procedures, based on these scientifically-documented concerns.”

She took a breath. “One: against standard scientific practices, control samples were not provided to the three laboratories conducting the tests. Two: the samples were taken from the bottom front corner of the Shroud, an area that has been mended, handled, and contaminated, by thousands over the centuries—”

“That’s really well documented,” interrupted Rachel. “Lots of ancient drawings of people holding onto its edges.”

Sheila nodded. “Three: the accuracy of Radiocarbon dating may be affected by various contaminants, such as fire, water and dampness, tobacco ash, fungi, even glue and paper. All of which came in contact with the Shroud—”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Pat said. “How exactly does this Radiocarbon business work?”

Sheila and Rachel exchanged glances.

“Well,” Rachel replied, “I think all organisms ingest a thing called radioactive isotope carbon-14 from the carbon dioxide present in the air.”

She glanced at her notes. “Yeah. Upon death, this carbon-14 isotope starts decaying. Somehow, they’re able to figure out the age of something old by the proportion of carbon-14 remaining to regular carbon.”

Both Pat and Sheila blinked.

“Oookay,” Sheila said. “Where was I? Oh, right, Number Four: the researchers at all three laboratories used the same methodology.”

She smiled at the others. “Andrew says this’s a big deal. That there are other testing methods they could’ve used. He also said there’re documented cases where different labs have radiocarbon dated the same stuff—he cited an example of the wrapping from an Egyptian mummy—and come up with dates hundreds of years apart.”

Pat said, “Sounds good.”

“In addition,” continued Sheila, “a research team from the University of Texas has concluded that biogenic varnishes surrounding the linen fibers could interfere with the dating.” She took a deep breath. “Given the above information, the Passion Ministry stands by its claim that James C. Jacobs is the son of God.”

The three women were momentarily silent.

Sheila tapped the press release. “Anybody going to believe this?”